An Ocean's Tears
by msof57
Summary: When Ellen Hockley finds her life in the hands of Tommy Ryan, she believes even the Titanic can't sink their love.
1. Blondie

**I'd just like to make a few things clear, the only character that is truly mine is Ellen Hockley. Obviously, she's made up but she is not copied from any character in Titanic. I made her name up because Ellen is my middle name. :P And Cal having a second class cousin was just too fun for me to resist. So review and enjoy! (Me gusta reviews!) I'm still editing this and I know there are a horrific amount of typos but, hey, at least I'm not holding you in suspense, right? :)**

* * *

One of the first things that passed through my mind that morning was how could I have possibly ended up here?

The sun was shining; the air was sweet against my lips. Everyone around me was bustling with excitement. The beautiful cruise liner in front of me shone like a thousand lights. _Titanic_ certainly took away my troubling thoughts.

It wasn't me that I was upset with, it was Caledon Hockley. He loved me, he hated me, took my breath away. I desperately needed to see him, but I was in second class and I knew he would be traveling with Rose DeWitt Bukater, the daughter of the richest man in Philadelphia. It was a hopeless case that I needed to seek out.

My childhood with Cal had always been a pleasant one, but when he turned twenty and me ten, he seemed to turn toward the usual accommodations of the upper class while I lingered behind with my middle class mother. It was only after a while did it all really crash and burn at my feet when I was orphaned just before my sixteenth birthday and made ready to live with a close friend of Mother's. My destination was a small town just outside of New York City where I would be classified as an American, Father's dream.

A sudden whistle interrupted my thoughts. I held my hat closer to my head and pushed my way past a gangly group of teenage boys and onto the boarding dock.

I turned my head and looked at the many suitcases being taken out of first class automobiles. I laughed and gave my two bags a small squeeze. How many necessities did they really need?

My thin skirt suddenly swished to the side as the ocean breeze picked up. My hair began to blow in front of my face and I spat out a wad of blonde locks that made its way into my mouth. I chuckled softly and straightened my jacket. My leather boots made small tapping sounds as I made my way up to the overwhelming ship.

A nice looking gentleman collected my ticket and pointed out the directions to the second class suites and cabins on D deck. He tipped his hat as I left and I wondered what kind of formality would be waiting for me if I ever did get a chance to bump into Cal.

I had to admit, my second class room impressed me when I entered. It was much finer than the first class hotels I had stayed in while traveling around Europe. The furniture was made out of beautiful mahogany wood. The bed was gorgeous, with soft sheets and linens draped over it. Next to it was a small dresser and a few chairs and a table. I could only guess the little door in the corner led to the toilet and sink.

I peered inside.

I knew it… no bathtub. Well, this ship certainly didn't have everything.

I threw my bags and looked out the small window across the room. The beautiful Atlantic shone and glimmered in the sunlight.

Later that hour, the _Titanic_'s whistle blew. I scrambled up on deck with hundreds of other and began to wave. No one in particular really, but I enjoyed the feeling of knowing I was saying goodbye to the one place that had given me pain.

One of the first things I noticed about the people around me was how carefree they were. Of course, I was down in the third class section, but I couldn't help but laugh as two young men barely made it aboard on time. I knew that Caledon Hockley or not, I would make myself enjoy this trip, even though everything around me seemed so dim.

----

It was nearly eleven the next morning when I grabbed a book and wool coat and headed out to the places where second and third class passengers were allowed.

I slipped on my thin sleeves as sunlight poured over my face. It was unusually cold for April, but I wasn't complaining. I'd familiarize myself with this large contraption before the day was out and hopefully find someplace warm.

After I'd watched the sea fly by for a good few minutes I began to peer at everyone around me. Foreign travelers flipped through English dictionaries and talked in strange languages I couldn't understand. There was also a large mixture of American, Scottish, Italian, and British accents echoing around me.

My head eventually strayed to the first class decks where I could see the ridiculous hats and clothes of the upper class. I prayed Cal and I wouldn't run into each other on this voyage; our childhood was a complicated subject to talk about.

I turned my novel over in my hands and slowly ran my fingers over the delicate cursive written on the inside of the cover.

_Dear my loving Ellen,_

_This is for you, since I've heard many great things about your excitement in your education. You've always been such a joy in my life, and I hope you live to make your dreams come true, like the characters in this book._

_Sincerely,_

_Your father_

I smiled.

Ellen Hockley. The name I hardly dared to say aloud.

My father was the brother of Cal's father. They had been very close, despite their fifteen year age difference. My father had always been such a joy in my life, but I always preferred to go by my mother's maiden name, Lahr. For the public society however, I was forced to believe I was a Hockley, one of the richest families in southern Britain.

After Father died when I was eleven, Cal and his family refused to talk to us or hand over the inheritance money of Father's. After a while though, thanks to the help of my rich great-aunt, we were able to push through and become a well-respected family yet again.

After a moment, I turned my head slightly to the left and felt my stomach twist into a tight knot.

There was Cal, up one deck, with a pretty, red-haired woman.

I pondered for a moment of whether to hide or greet him, knowing he would see me if I stayed here.

I let out a sigh and with great reluctance, I straightened up and walked toward A-deck, even though we were very far away from one another.

Cal's friend went inside and he lingered outside a moment longer.

"Cal!" I cried out.

He turned at the sound of his name and scanned the deck.

I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. "Caledon Hockley, over here!" I yelled, causing a group of women to give me a cold stare.

Cal caught my eye at last and looked quite taken aback.

I could feel his eyes studying me but I pressed a smile on my face and waved. He drew his eyebrows together and slowly waved back, but then went into the first class dining area.

I laughed, opened my book, and turned to leave before I heard a loud, "Oi! Blondie!"

I rolled my eyes and snapped my novel shut. I turned to face a group of young men, two of which were the ones I'd seen scramble on board just before we left port. However, the one I didn't recognize waved toward me and tipped his brown bowler hat. I couldn't help but chuckle in amusement at him, but I walked over with a pleasant smile on my face.

"How can I help you gentlemen?" I asked, leaning against one of the rails when I got close.

The bowler hat man smiled.

"Sorry to bother you, miss," He said in a thick Irish accent. He threw his cigarette over the railing and held out his hand. "Tommy Ryan," he said proudly.

"Ellen Lahr," I said with a triumphant beam, glad to use my mother's name. We shook hands.

A black haired man with an Italian accent said, "I'ma Fabrizio." And another man who didn't look much older than me introduced himself as Jack Dawson. He seemed to be very distant from us and Fabrizio, Tommy, and I stifled a laugh.

"Who were you talking to?" Tommy asked, turning to Jack and smiling.

I frowned; Cal was not a pleasant topic.

"Caledon Hockley," I answered coolly. "Unfortunately, my cousin."

"Hockley?" Fabrizio asked, turning to Tommy with raised eyebrows.

"Blimey," Tommy breathed. "He's that fellow who owns half of Britain, isn't he?"

I laughed. "Well, that's a bit extreme," I admitted. "But his _father_ is definitely rich."

"Who was that girl he was talking to?!" Jack almost shouted, suddenly interested.

I remembered the redhead.

"That must be Rose DeWitt Bukater," I said, rolling her name off my tongue. I nudged Jack. "Philadelphia's rich beauty."

"Beautiful," Jack said slowly and I burst out laughing.

"There are four kinds of people, Jack," I said, half giggling at the old joke of my father's.

"Those who think they're ugly and are right."

I motioned toward Fabrizio and he laughed. "Si, si," he chuckled.

"Those who think they're ugly but aren't."

I winked at Tommy and he smiled.

"Those who think they're beautiful and are correct."

I struck a pose and Fabrizio began to laugh harder.

"And there are those who think they're the most beautiful things on this planet but are totally and completely wrong."

I put a glazed look over my face like Jack's and Tommy and Fabrizio howled with laughter.

"Ohh, Ellen!" Tommy exclaimed, wiping tears from his eyes. "You're mighty funny for being a girl and all."

I grinned and mimicked a first class curtsy while setting myself beside Jack.

"Thank you, Mr. Ryan," I said in a formal tone.

Fabrizio chuckled. "You'll have to join us for supper tomorrow night, no?"

I smiled eagerly. "That would be great."

I got up but glanced over at Jack. "Are you sure he's alright?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Tommy and Fabrizio shrugged.

"Eh, I think Cupid hit him a little too hard in the butt," Tommy smiled, lightly touching Jack.

"Stupid cupid, right?" I asked.

"Right," Tommy smirked.

I tucked my book under my arm and headed back up to the second class deck area. I watched the waves sail by as I reached second class for just a moment longer. I smiled and grabbed the railing a bit tighter as I looked at the low, afternoon sky.

Suddenly, a hand fell on my arm.

I whirled around, half expecting it to be Tommy or Fabrizio, but instead my eyes found Cal's.

I stood there, my lips slightly parted before breaking the awkward silence.

"Cal!" I exclaimed. I rushed forward and gave him a hug and almost laughed at his shocked expression. He gave me a quick, forced smile and said in a polite manner, "I wasn't expecting you to be here."

I laughed. "Or you! I thought you were going to wait a bit a longer before you and Rose got married."

Cal smiled proudly at the mention of his fiancé and stood beside me to watch the waves slide by. "Her mother insisted we go back sooner." He chuckled and stared into the sunset, a boyish look crossing his eyes.

"Something along the lines of being homesick, I suppose," he muttered, turning around to get a glimpse of the first class deck.

Another awkward silence fell between us. I had no idea what to say. Cal opened his mouth twice before finally spitting out, "Would you like to come up to A-deck? The view is much nicer and not as crowded."

I looked at my shoes. "Thanks Cal, but I can't." I sighed and the wind whipped some hair from my face. "I'm only in second class."

Cal shifted slightly, unaware of the situation I had been in for the past few months.

"Your mother couldn't afford first class tickets?" he inquired, a smile playing around his lips.

I felt my eyes dim.

"Cal," I started, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Cal, Mother died a little under five months ago."

Cal's eyes shot up immediately. The color drained from his face and his mouth fell open slightly.

"O-Oh," he said shakily. He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"I'm sorry Ellen."

I nodded and averted my eyes, trying not to let emotion show. "Me too," I said quietly.

Cal took my arm and steadied me as I stumbled forward slightly. "Are you alright?" he asked, rare concern brimming in his face.

I closed my eyes. "Just give me a moment," I said slowly, taking deep breaths.

I tried to forget her beautiful face, flashing behind my eyelids. "Forget," I said silently. "Forget forever…"

I wiped my eyes and found Cal's.

"Thank you," I said, giving his hand on my arm a squeeze.

"If there's- anything I c-can do… just let me know," he said, cheeks turning red.

He excused himself and began to walk away.

"Cal!" I cried, running after him. He turned and took my hand.

"I know we've had an awkward childhood together," I said softly so no one else would hear. "And we've both made some stupid mistakes, but for now, can we just forget about it and try enjoying the voyage?"

Cal blinked. "Yes, of course," he said. looking a bit confused.

My features softened. "Thanks again."

He leaned forward and said into my ear, "But for my sake, stay out of the third class area."

He winked and began to walk away.

I wouldn't see very much of him after that.


	2. A Walk

The next day, I woke up to a frightful dizzy spell and spent the rest of the morning in the bathroom. It wasn't very obvious to cancel out what I did and didn't have.

Sea sickness, the very last thing I needed.

I'd been having a hard time adjusting to the constant swaying and rocking the night before, but I never expected it to result like this.

After a while, my stomach settled, but I didn't have much energy left except to lean my head against the toilet bowl.

The sun sparkled in the open window and fell on my nightgown. I laughed at myself. I must've been a sight.

To continue my bad luck, there came a sharp knock on my door. I groaned in frustration and picked myself up off the floor and pushed out of the small bathroom.

Grabbing my robe from a nearby chair, I marched over to the door. "Yes?" I asked weakly.

"Ms. Hockley?" a gentleman's voice asked. "Jim Moody, an officer aboard the Titanic. I've been told to come check on you, is everything alright?"

I laughed softly. "Yes, my stomach's just not used to these conditions."

"May I come in?" he asked. The doorknob jiggled suddenly and I pressed myself against the door. "Actually, no sir. You see, I'm not exactly decent," I said, the color rising to my cheeks.

"Oh, of course miss," I heard him say. "May I get you anything?"

I smiled at his kindness.

"Some tea would be nice, thank you."

"Certainly," he said. "I'll be back shortly."

I heard a pair of heavy boots walk away and I laughed at myself. "I'm not decent," I thought, shaking my head in amusement.

I threw on an old cotton dress and quickly brushed out my curls, making them turn into one long, continuous wave.

As I set my brush down, another knock echoed around the room. "Ms. Hockley?" a voice asked.

I dashed across the room and in a swift movement, opened the door.

Mr. Moody was a fine young man, just as I had imagined him to be. He was first class material, but he had a bit of playfulness etched in his brown eyes. And even though I was somewhat tall for my age, he towered above me.

I noticed the teacup in his hands.

"Oh!" I cried, taking it from him. "Thank you so much." I beamed and shook his hand with my free one. "I'm sorry I created such a fuss," I said. "I'm usually pretty tough when it comes to sailing."

"Not a problem."

A sudden thought came to mind.

"Who sent you? If I may ask." I said, inviting him into my room.

He took his hat off as he entered and placed it on my small table.

"Surprisingly, Caledon Hockley," he answered, standing awkwardly near a chair.

"Oh, you can have a seat!" I laughed, pushing a chair forward.

He smiled and sat down immediately. "Are you and Mr. Hockley siblings?"

This made me laugh even harder. "No, no," I breathed, "Just cousins."

He smirked. "I was going to guess you were married but you're obviously too young."

"Oh wow!" I said, "That would be even worse!"

We both laughed and I finished my tea.

"Thanks again," I said, giving him the empty cup.

"It's actually nice to get a break now and then," he said, slipping his hat back on. He reached out and we shook hands.

"Until the next time we meet, Ms. Hockley," he said.

"Ah," I said, cutting him off. "Call me Ellen, Ellen Lahr. I prefer my mother's maiden name." I beamed and leaned closer toward him. "Don't tell Cal that."

He laughed. "Certainly."

He opened the door and left. I blinked for a moment at the unusual stranger I had just met, but soon grabbed my own hat and scurried down to the dining room for lunch.

----

I sat alone at a small table. I didn't care much; I had to learn to get used to loneliness. There was plenty in store for me.

After a few bites, I realized that this food would only make this morning happen all over again so I quietly escaped to the third class deck.

Everything was usually silent. Only a few loners like myself wandered the decks so I laid down on a bench and spent the next hour carelessly watching the clouds and ignoring my growling stomach. After w while though, I was forced to abandon my momentary paradise as life returned on board.

I thought about heading up to second class where there might be more deck chairs to lounge on, but I caught a glimpse of a familiar face.

"Fabrizio!" I called, happy to have someone to talk to.

I walked under a small covering to reveal not only Fabrizio, but Tommy as well.

"Hey, Blondie's back," Tommy said, lighting a cigarette. I smiled when he winked at me and sat on a bench across from them.

"Ellen," Fabrizio said, struggling with my name. "You can call me El, Fabrizio," I added quickly.

He smiled in appreciation.

"_El_," he said, "This is Helga."

I turned to the girl beside him who only looked a year older than myself. "Hello," she said in a thick, Norwegian accent.

I smiled and held out my hand. "Ellen Lahr."

She shook it lightly and I turned to Tommy. "Where's Jack?"

He shrugged and crushed his cigarette under the heel of his boot. "No idea," he said. "He's been acting a bit strange ever since he saw that Rose girl."

I raised an eyebrow. "I hope he's not stalking the poor thing."

"No, no," Fabrizio cut in. "Jack is a good man; he wants to talk to her, get to know her."

I glanced at A-deck where I saw a rich couple walking.

"Well," I said softly. "He'll never get the chance to even talk to her with his third class ticket."

"Exactly what I told him!" Tommy said. "He wouldn't listen. Said something about 'he'd find a way.'"

"Stupid cupid," I muttered.

Tommy got up and looked expectantly at the three of us. "I need to stretch my legs, anyone want to come with me?"

"I'll come," I said, holding my hat against my head at the sudden gust of wind. I stood up and faced Fabrizio and Helga. "Coming?" I asked.

Helga shook her head.

"We stay," Fabrizio added.

"Alright," I said, "See you later then."

Tommy and I walked back into the sun and headed toward the stern.

"This is a mighty big ship," Tommy whistled.

I nodded and took his arm; he didn't seem to mind.

"What is a girl like yourself doing on the biggest ship in the world?" he asked as we slowly walked along the railing.

I laughed and squeezed his arm. "I'm traveling to New York to live with a friend of my mother's."

I turned my head to look at the ocean while I told the terrifying truth.

"She died."

I didn't show any emotion like I did with Cal.

"I'm sorry," I heard his gentle voice say. "She must've been quite a person."

I smiled at his remark. "She was."

Tommy turned my head back to his and the corners of his mouth turned up. "You're alright, yes?" he asked.

I nodded and quickly changed the subject. "So, is there a nice redhead out there waiting for you?"

Tommy burst out laughing. I watched his green eyes dance with light from the afternoon sun.

"No, just my older brothers. I'm still wondering if I should head over to Iowa to live with them."

I realized that until now, we had actually been walking away from the stern as we approached a small staircase.

I began to walk up and opened the gate, but my hand slid out of Tommy's arm.

I turned in confusion.

"Coming?" I asked, holding the gate open.

He shook his head and pointed out the sign I had failed to notice.

**NO THIRD CLASS PASSENGERS BEYOND THIS POINT**

I frowned and held out my hand, remembering what Cal had said earlier yesterday. "You're with me," I encouraged. "You won't get in trouble."

Tommy hid a smile. "I think you just gave me another reason to stay behind."

I smiled and flexed my fingers to show my impatience. "Come on," I whispered, a mysterious edge to my voice. "A whole world could be waiting!"

He glanced over his shoulder and then took my hand. I felt my face grow hot as his callused palm touched mine. I held the gate open wider and we both walked through.

"Aye!" Tommy cried as the gate swung shut behind us. "Your hands are freezing!"

He cupped my fingers in his and slowly rubbed his hands over mine.

I stood there with a foolish grin on my face. "Thanks Tommy," I said.

He lowered our hands but I didn't let go. Instead, I held one of his hands out and traced patterns on his palm. I felt him shiver slightly.

"Are you cold?" I asked, letting go. He shook his head. "I'm actually feeling a bit warm right about now."

He blushed but smiled.

We both spent the rest of the rest of the late afternoon talking in front of that gate. I wasn't interested so much in walking anymore, his eyes were enough.

It wasn't until the sun disappeared behind the horizon did I hear another familiar voice.

"Ellen!"

Tommy's head snapped away from my gaze as Cal and three other women approached us.

"I think I should go," Tommy said softly. He began to open the gate but I grabbed his arm.

His large, muscular arm.

A sudden desire erupted within me as he caught me staring. "No," I whispered. "Stay."

He glanced over my head and I turned reluctantly.

Cal had two red-haired women on his arms, one who I recognized as Rose. Another plump, brown-haired lady trailed along behind them.

Cal glanced at Tommy and something like a snarl escaped his throat. I could feel Tommy's arm tense up from under my grip, and in embarrassment, I dropped it.

"Ellen," Cal said slowly, eyeing Tommy. "This is my fiancé, Rose DeWitt Bukater." He nudged Rose slightly and she put on the fakest smile I had ever seen. Tommy raised an eyebrow but I discretely kicked him.

"This is Rose's mother, Mrs. Ruth DeWitt Bukater."

The redhead on his other arm who looked to be in her fifties pursed her lips and stared at my dress. I restrained myself from rolling my eyes.

"And this," he said, motioning to the woman behind him. "Is the lovely, Margeret Brown."

"Call me Molly," she assured, flashing me a set of brilliant, white teeth. I smiled and did a slight curtsy, the one Mother taught me to do when I was in "first class territory" as Tommy put it.

"Rose, Molly, Ms. Bukater."

"This is Ellen Hockley, my father's niece, my cousin," he whispered to the women around him.

I turned to Tommy and pulled him from behind me. "This is Tommy Ryan, a good friend of mine."

He tipped his hat at them. "Ladies," he said respectfully. He turned to Cal. "Sir."

Cal's jaw locked and he turned to Rose. "Why don't you all go and get ready for dinner, I'll meet you there."

Rose and Ms. Bukater turned and walked away, but Molly nudged her way in between Tommy and me, muttering something about needing to find the quickest way to her cabin. She turned a corner and when she was out of sight, Cal's smile disappeared.

Tommy put his hand on the gate, ready to step out when necessary.

Cal looked from Tommy to me to back to Tommy. Anger flicked across his eyes, and his hand flew up.

I tasted blood in my mouth as I was hurled backward from his slap.

"Cal!" I gasped, holding my jaw and sending specks of blood flying onto his suit.

"You idiot!" he growled, moving closer and shaking me. "I told you to stay away! Do you have any idea how foolish I looked just now? Introducing the richest women in Pennsylvania to my middle class cousin and her peasant of a friend?" He hit me again in the same place and I roughly pushed him away.

"Go away!" I screamed, fleeing to the gate.

Cal got there before I did and roughly pushed me down the steps. My head collided with the deck and I let out a small hiss of pain.

Tommy's face turned from shock, to fury. In the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his fist. He could certainly beat Cal into pulp, but I cried out for him not to.

"Listen to my slut of a cousin, Mr. Ryan, unless you want to be arrested."

Cal held a victory smile on his face as he turned and walked away.

As I sat up slightly, wiping blood off my chin, I realized Cal really was smarter than he appeared. No one else had seen what he'd done.

As Tommy came to my side I could feel tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"Don't cry Ellen," he comforted, putting a hand on my forehead. He wiped some blood off of my bruised and bloody jaw.

"I'm not crying," I argued as blood and tears fell onto my dress.

"El," he said. "You're crying." I shook my head stubbornly. "My heart isn't."

I got up slowly, ashamed of how Tommy had heard Cal call me a slut.

"Ellen," Tommy said, but I let out a sob and flung myself back into second class territory.

Fabrizio would have to wait.


	3. The Woman in the Yellow Dress

I woke up to a lovely bruise covering the left side of my jaw. As I looked in the mirror, I shoved a fist into my mouth to suppress a scream.

"Dammit," I sobbed. I leaned my head against my bed's banister and closed my eyes.

The thought of Helga and Fabrizio drove me to the dresser as I wiped a tear that was about to fall. I folded up my bloody dress from the evening before and shoved it under my bed, not caring if I left it behind. On my way out the door, I glanced at myself one final time. I looked at my red eyes and black and blue jaw. My hair did little to cover it.

I stumbled out of my cabin and averted the gaze of other passengers as I fled down to G deck. I ignored the elevators, first class would only add to my humiliation.

I had been lucky enough to overhead Tommy say something about his cabin number being G-32 on the first day I met him. I kept those numbers vivid in my head as I pushed past dozens of people as I raced down the narrow, plain, third class hallways. They didn't seem to mind. I guess my kind of behavior was normal.

I finally ran my finger over the number 32 on the wall and knocked loudly. After a moment or two I knocked again, this time more eagerly.

"Tommy?" I asked, choking on his name. "Tommy, please?" I began to cry. "Are you there? I need someone to talk to… help me!"

I pressed my ear against the door and listened but all I heard was silence. A sharp pain passed through my jaw as I pressed my left ear against the door.

"El?"

I whipped around, tear-stained face and all, to see Fabrizio.

"Fabri!" I said weakly. He came closer and put my face in his hands, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"You okay? I was going to talk to Helga, but I saw you turn the corner and I knew that since we were friends, I should follow-" His eyes rested on my jaw.

He touched it gently.

"Who did this to you?"

I shook my head. "I can't tell you now," I said bluntly, beginning to cry once more.

"I take you to Tommy, no?"

He grabbed my hand and led me around several hallways until we were on the third class deck.

"Jack!" Fabrizio called, spotting a mop of blonde hair.

Jack emerged from behind a large, Scottish man and came to us.

"Ellen?" he asked, seeing the tear streaks that were being wet again. "What's wrong?"

His eyes moved downward.

"Damn, what happened to your jaw?"

Fabrizio spoke before I could.

"El can't tell us now, she promised to tell later." He squeezed my hand and gave me a smile.

"You know where Tommy is?" he asked, turning back to Jack.

Jack glanced around and the raised his eyebrows. "Uh… yeah, he's over there in the shade."

I let go of Fabrizio' s hand and hugged him. "Thanks," I said softly, turning to Jack.

I began to run toward the familiar dirty red hair. "Tommy?" I asked, drawing closer.

He turned and embraced me when he saw my tears. "Ssh," he said, holding my arms as I tried to tell him what was wrong. "Just cry."

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cried, choking on my words. "This is all my fault! I'm sorry!"

I pressed my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around him. This shocked him for a moment, but he didn't pull away, which I was grateful for. He put his arms in a tight embrace over my shoulders.

"El," he said, trying to grab my attention.

My heart raced as he said my name.

"Ellen, listen to me," he whispered. "It's not your fault. It's him, that bastard."

"Y-you heard what he called me," I said, bringing one of my hands to my chest from being so mortified.

"You're not a slut," he said.

I shut my eyes and my childhood with Cal flashed before me. His childlike face… staring at mine.

"Ellen," he said, pressing my closer to him. My tears slowed and I pulled away slightly.

He leaned forward.

And his gentle lips touched mine.

I froze, my hands in his, our eyes slowly closing.

He was the first man I'd ever kissed, and as I slowly moved closer to him, he might be the only one.

Our hands entwined and he pulled away. His eyes glowed with such intensity they seemed to dull the whole ocean. I found myself stuttering for words, but instead my heart found its way into my throat.

"Why?" I asked, studying his lips. "Why me? I'm nothing special at all, just a whiney girl with a bruised jaw."

He pressed a finger against my mouth. "Because I could see we needed each other," he was with such certainty. "I've been so lost, more lost than you'll ever know, Ellen. My whole life is falling apart around me, and I can't live it alone."

He kissed my fingers.

"I need you."

I put my face into his shoulder. "Glad to help, Mr. Ryan," I laughed softly, my tears now forgotten. He chuckled and put a hand on my waist and pulled me away. "I love you," he said, the words echoing through my racing heart.

"Crap," I muttered, turning away.

He stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"I wanted to say it first," I admitted.

Relief washed over his face and I laughed. "Let's run away, see the world!"

Tommy's eyes hinted with laughter. But they grew sheepishly gray and his jaw locked.

"I have nothing to offer you, not even a proper home," he said. "It's impossible."

I scowled and put my hand on my hip.

"You love me, don't you?"

"Of course, I just told you."

I smiled and kissed him. "Then love will find a way."

I held his hands in mine, rubbing them together like he did the day before. "You're the most caring, hilarious, handsome, witty person I've ever met, Tommy Ryan. From this moment on you're stuck with me."

"Lucky me," he whispered, kissing my forehead.

He held my hand and we slowly walked back to Fabrizio.

As we approached, his face spread into a large smile. "Ah, it finally happened!" he laughed.

Tommy and I blushed but the corners of my mouth twisted into a wide grin.

"Ship of dreams," I reminded Fabrizio. I whirled around and hollered at a group of young adults. "Hey!"

They turned and faced me.

"I love Tommy Ryan!"

I turned to face Tommy and he laughed. "And I love Ellen Lahr!" he shouted over my head.

We spent the rest of the morning wandering the deck and late in the afternoon we found Helga, Jack, and his newest friend, Cora, with several other passengers lounging across various benches. Jack and I ended up playing hand games with Cora and looking at Jack's beautiful drawings. "They're beautiful," I said softly, just enough so Cora couldn't hear. "Just keep those other ones out of wandering eyes."

He glimpsed at the body of a young lady and quickly snapped it shut. "Don't worry, it's all age appropriate for her."

I turned my head to look at Tommy, but a yellow dress caught my eye.

It was absolutely extravagant, nothing like the dresses you saw down here in third class. It was a slim, with white sleeves, and a beautiful belt in the middle. The young woman in it had an uncomfortable expression on her face as she wandered around the "supposed" lower class.

I slowly stood, putting Cora on the bench and Helga clutched my arm.

"Who is it?" she asked slowly in English.

"Rose DeWitt Bukater," I muttered in her ear.

Helga's eyes dimmed as Rose approached us. She seemed to stare Helga and me out. Her rosy cheeks and flaming red hair made the beautiful Helga appear plain. Rose's red lips made mine turn a pale pink and her beautiful blue eyes turned mine an ugly green.

I felt Helga glance at her hand-me-down dress with the embroidered shawl on the back. I secretly smiled and patted her hand. "Stop fussing, you look the best out of all us," I said, hiding a laugh.

We both stepped aside as she drew nearer. She walked straight over to Jack where he was still showing Cora his drawing, unaware his redhead had come to pay him a visit.

"Mr. Dawson," she said politely.

I could see Tommy hide his face so he wouldn't laugh out loud.

"Rose," Jack said with a smirk. She glanced over her shoulder and gripped her handbag a bit tighter. "Could you come with me?" she asked innocently. "I need to talk to you."

Jack nodded and immediately grabbed his artistry book, and the two of them disappeared up the ramp to first class.

Tommy raised an eyebrow at me. "He met her?" he asked, throwing his old bowler hate back onto his head. I shrugged.

"Anything can happen if Cal's in the picture," I muttered, touching my jaw.

He shook his head.

Helga let go of my arm and walked over to Fabrizio. They began to talk yet again and Cora glanced at my expression.

"Is Jack coming back?" she asked, pushing some curls behind her ear. I squinted, trying to see if I could spot him on the deck.

"I'm not sure."

Cora's face dropped slightly.

"He'll be at dinner tonight though," I said confidently, taking her hand. "He wouldn't miss it for the world.


	4. F Deck

"F deck," I asked politely to the man operating the elevator.

His hand wavered on the lever for a moment as he glanced at me. I raised an eyebrow and stepped inside.

"Miss," he said softly, leaning toward my ear. "You do know that this is for first class only, correct?"

Before I could answer, he gave me a small push and I stumbled out as another couple clambered in. The three of them gave me a strange look before the shaft disappeared above my head.

I bit my lip and looked around. Where was the nearest stairwell?

I followed several signs until I reached a small door. I opened it slowly and peered down.

Stairs.

My thoughts wandered slightly as I kept the sight of the elevator in my mind. It wasn't until I lost my footing did I realize I had no idea where I was.

I began to fall forward, reaching for the rail that slipped out of my grasp. Suddenly, a hand grabbed my shoulders but they too lost their balance and we tumbled down to the floor and landed in a heap.

I lay a few feet from my rescuer and held my head after knocking it against the wall.

"You alright?" I heard a familiar voice ask.

"Mr. Moody!" I exclaimed, crawling over to him. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking straight and my foot must've slipped… are you hurt?"

He groaned but sat up. "I've had worse. It all comes with the job, you know?" I smiled and offered out my hand as I stood up.

When he was on his feet he began brushing dirt off of his uniform, I picked up his cap that was lying by my shoes and gave it to him.

"Thank you," he said, as he put it on his head.

Mr. Moody glanced around. "What are you doing down here? Don't you have a second class ticket?"

He immediately blinked and lowered his eyes. "Excuse me, I'm not one to pry."

I shook my head. "It's fine, I was actually on my way down to be with some friends in the third class dining hall."

He laughed. "You're lucky, dinner down here is much more exciting that the ones I'm forced to attend up in first class. There's more dancing and music!"

I grinned and we shook hands. "I'll see you around, Miss Lahr," he said.

"Ellen," I corrected him. "Call me Ellen."

He began to walk up to the stairwell but he turned around and said, "Only if you call me Jim."

"Yes sir," I mocked. He laughed again, turned the corner, and disappeared.

I turned and began to find my way toward the dining hall. It wasn't that hard to find, after all, Mr. Moody- Jim, was right about the music. The really loud music.

When I first entered, it was a scene of utter chaos. People were dancing everywhere, on tables, on chairs, even weaving throughout the tables.

I ducked under the arms of several women dancers and pushed my way toward a large group of men. As I peered in the group, I rolled my eyes.

Tommy was in an arm-wrestling match. And from the pile of beers that surrounded him, I could tell he was winning. Fabrizio happened to be standing nearby, leaning over Tommy and cheering him on.

I moved up behind him.

"How's it going over here?" I asked, standing on my tiptoes to look over his shoulder.

He whipped around and smiled broadly. "Welcome to third class!" he exclaimed, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

I peered at the drunk men lurking over in another corner.

"Are all meals like tonight?" I asked, quite surprised.

He shook his head. "I think Jack has something to do with this. He told me he had been offered to dine in first class by Mr. Hockley after he rescued Rose."

"Rescued?" I asked.

He nodded. "Apparently, she had been leaning far over the stern too far and slipped. Jack happened to be standing nearby when she fell."

I suppressed a giggle. "That must've been quite a sight when he pulled her over."

Fabrizio moved me out of the way as the table shifted from Tommy slamming a fist down too hard.

"Rose had been screaming and when the officers came it appeared as though Jack was trying to rob her… or worse."

He winked at me and I laughed.

A loud cheer made everyone turn toward Tommy. He yelled in victory and I could tell he had made another defeat.

"Where's Helga?" I asked.

Fabrizio frowned and scratched his head. "She is coming, but with her parents."

I felt a sudden tug and turned around.

"Cora!" I exclaimed and smiled brightly.

She smiled back and glanced around Fabrizio and me.

"Is Jack coming?" she asked. Fabrizio glanced at me but answered, "Of course! He said he's even bringing a surprise."

I gave him a questionable look but he just shrugged.

"C'mon Cora," I said, grabbing her hands. "Let's dance! I need a worthy partner."

We began to dance in a circle and clapped our hands as we twirled. Fabrizio soon joined us and we were beginning to make a scene. Everyone smiled though, and stepped aside as I stumbled on my own footing a couple of times. I hated to admit it, but Cora and Fabrizio were far better dancers than I was.

After a while, we fell into the midst of the couple dancing and were separated, but I laughed and danced with several friendly men. I skipped and hopped to tunes I didn't even know, but it felt right as I just followed my footsteps.

Suddenly, a familiar hand was on my waist and the other in mine. I looked up into Tommy's eyes and he grinned. We were probably the worst dancers out there, but we managed to have a good time and not stomp across each other's feet.

Tommy finally gave up and swung me up into his arms and spun me in a circle.

The song ended and I clapped while Tommy set me on my feet. I put my hand in his and my skin tingled from our contact.

We ran off the dance floor as another song was struck up and Tommy cupped my chin in his hand and kissed me for a brief moment. I was beginning to get frustrated because he was always beating me to what I wanted to do first.

"That was for the most fun I've ever had dancing with someone," he said. I clutched his suspenders and rubbed my ankles together. "Jack couldn't of even danced better than you," I said, laughing slightly at the very thought.

"I heard that."

I whipped around and faced Jack and… Rose? standing behind me.

I bit my lip in embarrassment but the look in Jack's eyes made me realize he was just teasing. But when I looked at Rose I couldn't help but hide a smile.

She had shown up in her first class evening gown. She peered at Tommy and then me, before finally moving closer to Jack.

"Rose, this is-" Jack started but I cut him off.

"No need, we've met Miss Bukater before."

"Rose," she corrected me. "I'm getting sick of all this formality."

"Here here," Tommy frowned, putting a hand on my shoulder and touching my jaw.

I shivered slightly.

Rose gave me a sympathetic smile. I didn't want to appear rude, but I stared back with a blank expression. I wanted to shake her for being so stupid. How could she possible agree to be Cal's fiancé?

Tommy felt me grow tense and moved his hand back down to my shoulder.

Jack glanced at my jaw and opened his mouth to ask about it again.

"Not now, Jack," I said. "You'll find out later, I promise."

Jack sighed slightly but smiled and offered his arm to Rose. They soon disappeared into the crowd of dancers.

I turned back to Tommy and grabbed his shirt. He smiled and placed his hands on top of mine.

"I can't believe she'd marry him."

"I know," I said, knowing he meant Cal. But I softened my voice. "It's probably an arranged marriage. She's only a year or two older than me anyway."

Tommy started to sway back and forth and I joined him. I smiled as he pressed his lips against my forehead.

I slowly pushed my head to his jaw and whispered in his ear, "You can go back to your arm-wrestling if you want."

He pulled away and stared at me for a moment, a bit taken aback, but then laughed. "That's certainly ruined the moment, but yes ma'am."

He took my hands off his shirt and kissed them.

"If we get separated, meet me in my room by eleven."

Tommy nodded and didn't let go of my hands until they slipped out of his as he walked away.

I bit my lip and stared as the man I loved gave me a last glance before heading over to the other side of the room.

"Beautiful."

I spun around and Helga smiled at me.

"What is?" I asked as we embraced.

She smiled her gorgeous smile and brushed some hair from my face.

"Love," she answered simply. "I never thought it could be so real in what you and Tommy share, but I guess even my father can be wrong."

I studied her face and slowly spoke.

"Do you love Fabrizio?"

Her smile faded and she looked at the old couple that was standing a few feet away in deep conversation.

"Yes," she giggled, putting her hand over her mouth. "Very much."

I laughed. "He loves you too Helga, I can tell!"

Her eyes dimmed.

"My papa, he does not approve. He says Fabrizio is 'Italian scum.'"

I could see tears welling up in her eyes.

"I do not know what to do, Ellen. I love Fabri, but I love my parents. They expect me to go to New York and get a job. They want me to find an American husband but that life is not for me!"

She gazed at Fabrizio across the room, who happened to be doing the same thing.

"I love him with my whole heart."

She looked back at me and made a heart with her fingers. "He's my other half-"

She broke her fingers apart.

"-I cannot live without him."

She waved a piece of her "broken heart" in front of me. "But this half is my family. I cannot leave one or the other or else part of me will die."

I took her hand in mine.

"Your father is a stubborn man," I admitted. "But Fabrizio loves you and would do anything in the world to spend the rest of his life with you."

Helga's eyes lit up.

"You really think so?"

I grinned.

"I know so."

----

After a long night of dancing and watching Rose get drunk, I leaned close to Tommy, who was still arm-wrestling. "D-42," I whispered in his ear.

I could feel him shiver in delight.

"You're spending the night, so bring some nightclothes." I smiled, nudged him, and proceeded back upstairs to my room.

As soon as I locked my door and took out the pins that held the hair out of my face. It cascaded around my eyes and I shook my head, letting them fall gently to the sides of my face.

I quickly slipped into my nightgown I'd left on the bed that morning. I grabbed Father's novel and began to read yet again when a sudden rap on my door sent me jumping a foot out of my chair.

"Let me in," Tommy's voice said in a hushed whisper. "Before anyone notices me!"

I rushed to the door and he stumbled in. I caught his bag as it slipped out of his grasp and laughed as he grabbed a chair to keep from falling over.

I kicked the door shut with my foot and then threw the bag on the floor.

Tommy smiled and walked over to kiss me. But I held a finger in front of his soft lips and motioned toward the bag.

"I refuse any further contact until you clean up and get into some decent clothes," I teased, motioning toward his dingy shirt.

Tommy smiled and picked the bag up off the floor. "Very well, sweet," he said softly.

He disappeared into the bathroom and I beamed.

When he emerged, he was in an untucked shirt and an old pair of pants. I guess that's what men wore to bed.

Tommy suddenly smiled mischievously as I stared at him from my bed post. I took a step forward but he tackled me and we both rolled onto the bed.

I snapped the curtain around my bed shut. We were engulfed in darkness, but a slit of light peered through, shining on Tommy's face.

"Beautiful," I muttered, putting a hand on the back of his neck and stroking his hair with my other. He put a hand on my waist and another on my hip. "Gorgeous," he whispered, leaning in to kiss my neck.

"Mm," I sighed.

My bruised jaw remained untouched, but after a while Tommy began to softly stroke it and our kisses grew more passionate. After a while, I was lying on top of him and rested my head and hands on his chest so I could look at his handsome face.

I ran my fingers through his hair once more.

The stubble on his cheek occasionally scratched my wrist, sending shivers up my spine. He smiles at my reaction, his hands behind his head and our legs entwined together.

He chuckled softly and stroked my toes with his.

"You're cold?" he asked, running a hand through my hair.

I shook my head.

"Only my feet."

We began to kiss yet again and he began to feel my hips and slowly, my legs with his.

I dove under the covers after a while and Tommy soon joined me. We lay in the darkness, feeling each other's legs, our arms wrapped around one another.

"This is wrong," Tommy said, cupping my cheek in his hand. I did the same with him.

"It's love, Tommy. What more can we do?"

He shook his head and pulled me closer to him.

"You're only sixteen, I would hurt you."

I shook my head in his chest. "Never," I whispered, my lips pressed against his shirt.

"I did tell you I'm twenty, yes?"

I laughed and lightly pushed him. "I don't care. It doesn't matter to me."

Tommy smiled and I felt his leg come over mine.

"I love you so much, Ellen."

The passion in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

"I love you too, Tommy Ryan."

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him on top of me.

With an arm on either side of me, his face shone like an angel's.

"You don't have to do this," he whispered, moving closer, our chests touching. My nightgown shifted under me as I urged him closer.

"I want to," I assured him, "You're the only person I could ever trust this much."

Tommy kissed my forehead and I felt my nightgown rise up under his grip.


	5. The Second Encounter

Morning.

My eyes groggily opened. The curtains were still shut but Tommy's face answered all my questions.

"Sleep well?" I murmured, holding his hand.

He smiled and hugged me.

"You're alright?" he asked. "You looked like you were in pain last night."

I shook my head. Hell, it did hurt, but each time I had seen Tommy's concerned face, everything just melted away.

"I'm absolutely, positively amazing right now."

He grinned and sat up.

"You're strong, Ellen."

I shook my head. "Not when it comes to arm wrestling."

He chuckled and stroked my messy and tangled hair.

"I love you," I said, throwing my arms around him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

His breath felt so natural on my face. I kissed his scratchy cheek and rested my lips against his jaw.

He shuddered in delight and began to trace patterns on my back.

"Love me forever," he whispered.

"'Til death do us part," I quoted, tears burning in my eyes.

I pulled away and lightly traced his lips. "We better go," I said softly, staring deeply into his green eyes. "Helga and Fabrizio will worry."

Tommy nodded and I snapped the curtains open.

Bright, stinging light poured over our faces and I went into the bathroom to wash up. I looked at some blood on my nightgown and smiled.

I felt like my life had started yesterday.

I tore my nightgown off and pulled on another dress. I was never really one to care about how my outward appearance looked but I knew Tommy wouldn't mind.

He was dressed too when I came out. I laughed and pulled out a brush from my dresser. "Let me fix your hair," I teased.

After a few painful tugs, his hair become smooth and curly yet again. He shook his hair out when I set the brush down and grinned at my priceless expression.

"You're impossible," I laughed, turning towards the mirror to brush my own blonde mop.

I could feel his eyes on me as my hair became wavy again. I smiled slightly and tucked a pin into my hair to pull my hair out of my face.

Tommy threw on his old bowler hat as we left the room.

There was a strange happiness that glowed between us as we walked to D deck. Maybe it was the fact his hand was in mine and that's all I could feel, or perhaps it was the way he walked so full of confidence and energy; like everything would be alright. I felt the urge to kiss him, right there on C deck where all first and second class could see us, but I suppressed myself and we entered into the bright, April morning.

"Ahh!" I cried out in surprise, jumping slightly.

A freezing gust of wind hit the both of us. "It's April," Tommy muttered. "This kind of weather was supposed to be gone months ago."

He slipped off his jacket and kindly wrapped it around my shoulders. "Thanks," I smiled, pulling it tighter around me. He whistled a long note before saying, "I don't know, I might need to steal that back in a little bit."

We both giggled and took each other's hands yet again.

Suddenly, I heard a clamor of footsteps behind us.

I turned, scared to death it was Cal or Mrs. Bukater, but instead it was Jack and Fabrizio's smiling faces.

"Tommy," Jack said eagerly. "I need your help."

Fabrizio cut in. "He needs to get on the first class deck to see Rose."

"I need you and Fabrizio to hoist me up, I can't do it by myself," Jack finished. He turned to me. "Ellen, can I meet you up a little ways up on B-deck? I need to know where the gymnasium is."

"Alright," I said, a bit confused.

"Thanks so much."

"Now?" Tommy asked.

Jack nodded. "I tried to see her while first class was having Sunday services, but Cal's man, Lovejoy, refused to let me in.

I snorted loudly.

"Lovejoy!" I laughed. "Ha! What a misnomer!"

Jack smiled but it soon turned into a frown.

"They offered me money to 'stay away,' but I didn't take it." He shook his head and turned to Tommy and Fabrizio.

"I love her."

Tommy and Fabrizio stared at him wide-eyed but I smiled. "I think we're all falling in love," I pointed out.

"A risk worth taking," Jack and Fabrizio said at the same time.

I gave Tommy's jacket back and began to walk away. "I'll see you up on B-deck!" I called over my shoulder to Jack.

Nearly knocking over an elderly lady, I ran up to the place where second class merged into first and patiently waited for Jack.

Truthfully, I was terrified of first class, especially when I knew Cal was lurking around somewhere with his precious fiancé. He could probably get me arrested for all I knew, and I feared my life. I knew I was being silly, but I still backed against the wall and hid myself in the shadows until the sound of footsteps made me jump a foot in the air.

A first class gentleman rounded the corner, and thank the lord, he wasn't Cal.

When he got closer, I nodded politely like Father had taught me. The man slightly tipped his hat toward me but the smirk on his face gave himself away.

"Jack!" I cried, beginning to laugh at my foolish mistake. "Good disguise, no one will know it's you. Just make sure you avoid eye contact."

He nodded and hesitated to walk forward as I pointed out the gym.

"Are you going to tell her?" I asked, giving him a small push. "You know, that you love her? Unending faithfulness and all that?" I smiled but Jack sighed and looked at his hands.

"That's my only choice. I have to save her. If she marries that bastard, she'll be miserable her whole life."

My hand came up to my jaw.

"I know."

Jack's eyes widened. "He did that to you?" he growled, his knuckles turning white from gripping the nearby rail so hard.

"He'll do worse to Rose, Jack," I said softly.

That poor girl.

"I'm going to get her out of there," he said, adjusting his hat.

He fled up the stairs and headed toward the gym.

----

Tommy and I spent the afternoon together with Fabrizio and Helga walking the decks. When the late afternoon rolled around, Helga departed us with her parents, leaving an usually quiet Fabrizio.

Tommy's fingers entwined in mine and I placed a hand on Fabri'z shoulder.

"She'll be back," I promised him. "You love each other, don't you?"

"I know," he said slowly. "I never want her to leave my side though, my chest feels like it is empty when she does that."

Tommy let go of my hand and patted him on the back.

"Love always finds a way, mate."

Fabrizio smiled gently and we began to walk back down to F deck.

"Miss Hockley!"

"Oh my god," I whispered, my legs turning to jelly. Tommy steadied me and we both turned around.

Ruth, Cal, Rose, and another gentleman were standing on the deck above us. All of them except Rose has pretty sour looks planted on their faces. I could tell they hadn't changed from church services considering the way they were dressed.

Cal was waving at me. "Ellen, come here!"

Tommy inhaled sharply and my stomach tightened.

"I have to go to him," I said. "He'll make a scene if I don't."

I turned to Tommy.

"Don't do anything hasty, but if you see the others leave Cal and me, please, come and get me."

I glanced at Cal and felt my jaw.

"I can take care of myself, but there are just some things that are out of my reach," I said, studying Cal's expression.

Tommy nodded. "I'll keep an eye out." "Me too," Fabrizio added.

"Thanks," I whispered before running off.

As I walked toward the upper class that was calling me, everything from two days ago played through my mind. I could see Ruth staring in disgust at my appearance, but I was focused on Cal as I drew nearer. He was the bruise on my jaw and a small smirk crossed his handsome features.

I glanced at Rose, surprised Jack wasn't anywhere nearby.

She seemed very depressed and in deep thought. Her eyes kept wandering from Cal, to the ocean, to me, and then back again to the Atlantic. I felt great empathy toward her, but my lips remained stubbornly silent. I could not bring myself to like this girl, but that didn't matter right now.

"Good afternoon," I said pleasantly, avoiding Cal's gaze.

Ruth, Cal, and the man that must be Lovejoy all nodded. Rose kept her eyes at the floor and refused to show any recognition toward me.

"This weather is a bit cold for April, isn't it Rose?" Cal asked, turning towards her. When she didn't respond, he grew concerned.

"Rose?"

"Hmm?" she asked, her head snapping up.

"I asked, 'Isn't it cold out here?'" "Oh," she said, stuttering over her words. "Yes, quite cold, dear." She put on a smile so fake I almost gagged.

"My, my," Ruth said, "What happened to your face?"

Cal's eyes turned to slits as I brought my hand to my face.

"Ma'am?" I asked, pretending to be completely oblivious to what she was asking.

"Your face," Ruth repeated, motioning toward her jaw. "What happened, if I may inquire?"

"Oh," I said.

I paused a moment to look at Cal. He gently shook his head so no one would notice.

"I-I-" I began. "I fell down the stairs the other day."

Ruth gave me a disgusted look. "Of course," she said primly, sticking her nose up further into the air. She turned to Rose. "Come dear, we need to get ready for tea."

She grabbed her daughter's arm and began to walk away but turned around and called over her shoulder, "Coming, Mr. Hockley?"

Cal shook his head. "I've agreed to dine with Mr. Ismay and Mr. Andrews actually."

"Thomas Andrews?" I asked in surprise. "The man who designed this ship?"

Cal nodded.

"Good-bye, darling," Rose said solemnly. The two women casually walked away and Lovejoy shot me an odd look.

Cal suddenly grabbed my arm.

"What did I tell you?" he hissed in my ear. "I wanted to prove to the Bukater's you are a worthy family member since our last meeting was not so pleasant with that son of a bitch there."

"Shut up, Cal," I said, snapping my arm away. "Don't call Tom- Mr. Ryan that."

Cal's eyes grew large and his mouth fell open slightly.

"I see," he said slowly. "Yes, yes I see!"

He clapped his hands together.

"Oh brava! You've really done it now! What a great way to drop the lovely Hockley name, marrying a piece of dirt from third class." His face turned hard and Lovejoy smirked.

"Well, I simply won't allow it."

Cal grabbed me by the collar of my dress. "You're staying with me in first class," hr sneered, bringing his face inches from mine. "It's time you learned who civilized people really are."

My heart began to pound and my only reaction was to punch him.

He drew back, his hair slightly out of place, completely shocked by what I had done.

"We're even now," I hissed, beginning to back away.

"Come back here you little slut!" he cried, beginning to chase after me.

"Good-bye Cal," I said in a formal tone. I turned and began to flee back to third class.

"Lovejoy!" I heard Cal call behind me.

"Right."

I could hear footsteps behind me as I jumped a gate and onto the deck below, crashing into a pile of rope. I stood up and looked around wildly. Where was Tommy?

Lovejoy ran down the stairs leading to where I was and I turned, hoping for a chance of escape. The stern was very near, and there was nowhere I could go. But even knowing that, my pumps carried me further down toward the lingering edge.

I guess my feet just weren't fast enough. Lovejoy grabbed my arm and twisted me around, beginning to drag me toward Cal.

"Let me go!" I cried, "You saw what he did to me! Are you a man or a slave?"

Lovejoy laughed in amusement. "My job is to keep the Hockley name clean, and you're getting in the way of that." I threw myself backward and almost crashed into a nearby pole. Lovejoy drew closer and I looked down, avoiding his gaze.

"Stay away from third class, miss," he said, grabbing my shoulders. He shook me. "Do you understand?!"

"You there, what do you think you're doing?"

Lovejoy was ripped away from me. A pair of hands pulled me away from the looming rail of the stern and I recognized one of the officers surrounding me was Moody.

The eldest of them pushed Lovejoy off to the side. "Is he bothering you?" the officer asked, giving Lovejoy a dirty look.

"Yes sir," I said shakily, shocked by Lovejoy's earlier reaction.

Another handsome officer who was much younger stepped forward and roughly shoved Lovejoy.

"Clear out, you hear? I don't care what class you're in, I'll personally take you to the master at arms."

"Thank you, Mr. Lowe," the elder officer said calmly. He stepped forward and motioned toward the first class deck. "I think it would be better if you stayed close to Mr. Hockley, Lovejoy. You certainly have been putting yourself in very unpleasant situations lately."

Lovejoy straightened the jacket of his suit and shot me a glare. I narrowed my eyes and watched as he proceeded back to a very pissed off Cal.

"Thank you," I said, turning to the three men once Lovejoy was out of sight. "That was certainly not something I had expected while boarding."

Their eyebrows drew together while they watched Cal impatiently leave the upper duck.

Jim turned back toward me. "Murdoch, Lowe, this is Ellen Lahr."

I shook hands with the two of them.

"That was very kind of you to help me," I said softly. "I don't know what would've happened if he had caught me."

The older officer, Murdoch, drew his eyebrows together. "You didn't steal anything, did you?"

"Oh, no!" I cried, dismissing the thought with my hands. "Never! Mr. Hockley and I were having some family disagreements and he sent Lovejoy after me when I tried to walk away."

Lowe shook his head. "It's amazing what people will do to others," he said quietly.

I nodded. "Absolutely."

I found myself liking this Lowe. He had a good heart, something that you don't find in everyone.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I think I'd better head down to third class again," I said after a moment's silence.

They all nodded. "Thanks again," I said.

Murdoch and Jim began to walk away and so did I, but Mr. Lowe grabbed my arm.

"You sure you're alright?" he asked, rolling his r's. I beamed and lightly punched him. "Are you kidding? I could beat him to pulp if he ever comes near me again."

He laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh too.


	6. Stupidity

"Jack?" I asked when I saw him.

He was still in his disguise, sprawled across a bench in second class. His stare was very blank, like the first time I met him… but this time it was completely empty and there was no passion in it.

"It's past tea, what are you doing?" I asked calmly.

He sat up slowly and shook his head. I moved a bit closer and stood by him, kneeling down to his height.

"She wouldn't listen," he whispered slowly.

"Rose?" I asked, not sure of what to say.

He nodded. "I told her everything. She- she just brushed it off and left me. She said she wasn't allowed to see me anymore."

He took off his hat and began to twirl it in his hands.

"She told me she loved Cal."

I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. "-I know that's not true, she said in with such fake sincerity. She hates him, but why is she staying?" Tears began to form in his eyes and he wiped them away.

"She's not coming back with me," he said to himself.

I sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be alright," I said, trying to convince myself. "She'll come through. No one would marry a man like Caledon Hockley." But he shook his head and stood up.

"I'm going to the bow, I need to think," he said softly, throwing the hat over the nearby rail.

He left me and I peered into the red sun.

"Damn you, Cal."

I brought my hands to my stomach and thought intensely of Tommy. I knew he was my future life, forever and always, but there was something holding me back and I couldn't explain what.

----

"Ellen," Tommy sighed, a relieved edge to his voice. "You're alright. I was scared to death something awful happened."

I leaned against a rail and faced the sunset. "Everything was fine. He did threaten me, but I managed to run away." Mr. Lowe's face ran through my mind. "With the help of a few officers," I admitted, sighing at the thought.

A calming silence fell between us. I took out my pin and let my hair blow in the wind. Tommy slowly leaned against me and put an arm on my shoulder while we watched the sun disappear beyond the horizon. We both smiled to ourselves and I titled my head slightly to the side.

"Come to my room tonight," Tommy whispered, facing me. "My roommates will be out all night drinking, so I'll have the room to myself. It gets lonely."

I turned and put my hands on his chest. "Very well, Mr. Ryan."

He bowed and offered me his arm. "At your service, Ms. Lahr."

"Mrs. Ryan," I corrected. "As of when we dock and enter the first church we see in New York." "Agreed," he said, kissing my cheek.

We walked down to G-deck where Tommy's cabin was. When we entered it, he seemed a bit embarrassed by how plain it was.

The room contained four bunks, a small sink and cabinet, and a little table with chairs by a small window. I looked around it and smiled. "This place is perfect."

His face lit up. "Really? I thought it was 'unsuitable' compared to your room."

I laughed. "If my room's extravagant, I can't wait to see what first class rooms look like." I sat myself down on a lower bunk. "Here," Tommy said, giving me an old nightdress. "My roommate said it was his daughter's and that you were free to use it."

I sat down in the same bunk while Tommy flicked the lights. When I was engulfed in darkness, I heard a small thump and Tommy's cursing. I laughed. "You should probably tidy up more," I advised him as he lay next to me. "Yeah, right," he said, wrapping his arms around me.

I leaned my head into his shoulder.

"A bit tight?" he whispered, sending his breath in my ear. I shivered in delight. "It's perfect," I said, shifting to kiss his nose. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, you know that?" I asked, cupping his face in my hands.

He chuckled and held a strand of my hair. "Only when I'm with you."

We began to kiss, our soft lips slowly moving across one another's. "Mrs. Ryan," he murmured. "Mr. Lahr," I whispered.

"Tommy," I said softly as he moved to my jaw. "Mm?" he asked, moving to my neck.

"This is-" I laughed, putting my hands in his hair. "This is wonderful, I don't want you to stop-"

"Then I won't," he said, kissing my lips once more.

I pulled away, letting our noses touch. "We didn't get much sleep last night," I reminded him. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired, that's all."

Tommy gently took a fistful of my hair and pulled my face even closer so that our lips were touching. Doing so, he slipped a blanket over us. My head dropped onto the soft pillow beneath me and I closed my eyes.

"Sleep well," I said, touching his lips as he loomed over me, propped up on one elbow.

He sank closer, our arms wrapping around one another.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Ryan."

I smiled and put my face in the cradle of his neck, avoiding contact with my jaw. "And to you, Mr. Lahr," I said softly before sleep engulfed me.


	7. Puddles

"What the hell?"

My eyes snapped open and I banged my head on the bunk above me. "Crap," I cried, rubbing my forehead. My hand fell to the empty space beside me. "Tommy?"

"Ellen?"

A rough pair of hands grabbed me and put me on the small table.

"What's going on?" I cried, unaware of where I was.

Small puddles of water were leaking into the room. They had already reached the bunks, wetting the corners of the blankets that draped over the side. "Tommy, what's happening?" I asked again, pulling my thin nightgown around me a bit tighter. I rubbed my eyes and blinked in confusion as he flicked on the lights.

Tommy was tearing through drawers, throwing objects into a small bag. "I think the ship hit something. The whole room shook, I don't think you felt it."

My eyes widened. "Wait, hold on, you think the ship is sinking?!"

He didn't answer but continued to dog through drawers. "_Titanic_ can't sink!" I cried, pulling my knees to my chin.

"What else could it be, Ellen?" he half yelled. "I really don't think this is a practical joke the officers on board are playing on us." He flew to the other side of the room and dug under one of the bunks.

"Here," he said calmly, giving me a pair of boots.

I slipped them on and stepped into the water that was now slowly creeping across the room. I reached out for my thin coat that was on a top bunk but Tommy stopped me. He threw a wool sweater of his over my head. "It's cold, and this water is freezing," he said softly, opening another cabinet where a pile of lifebelts tumbled out.

We both threw one on and Tommy embraced me. "Everything's going to be alright," he said, kissing my forehead. "We're together."

I nodded solemnly. "I believe you."

Tommy grabbed his small bag and we ran out into the hallway.

People were scrambling around in the ankle deep water. Tommy and I looked both directions, seeing water was much deeper on the farther end.

"Where's Fabrizio's cabin?" I asked as I was roughly pushed aside by a panicking man.

Tommy began to run away from the water and I followed him, nudging my way past crowds of people. "Where's his cabin?" I repeated, getting frustrated at his continuous silence.

As if on que, Fabrizio revealed himself from a room. He looked around wildly and his eyes widened at the immense amount of water creeping our way.

"C'mon, let's get the hell out of here!" Tommy said, skidding to a stop in front of him. I clutched Tommy's bag as Fabrizio disappeared into the room for a moment.

Tommy shot a glance over his shoulder. "C'mon, hurry up!" he yelled at the slightly ajar door. "We don't have much time for packing."

Fabrizio emerged in a shirt and pants. "My room is filled with water, what's going on?" he asked as a crowd of women rushed past us.

"We think the ship's sinking," I said calmly. "Did you feel a shudder?" Tommy asked.

"Of course, and a loud screech, it woke all of us up," Fabrizio said, exasperated.

I looked down in shock as water began rising above my ankle. "We need to get out of here," I said, beginning to run.

They followed close behind me.

"If this is the way the rats are going, it's good enough for me," I heard Tommy mutter to Fabrizio as rodents ran by our feet.

Soon, Tommy was in front again and we turned a corner, but he stopped, making Fabrizio and me run into him. "Damn," Tommy growled, putting an arm in front of me so I wouldn't proceed forward.

Green sea water was beginning to gush out of the far end of the hallway too, it lapped against the toes of my boots and I turned my head to a nearby door.

"This way," I said, holding it open to reveal a flight of stairs. We dashed up to an elevated part of G-deck, where the hallways were luckily dry, but it also revealed mass chaos. A steward from first class ran by us, and Tommy grabbed his arm.

"Sir, sir, what's happening?"

He shrugged off Tommy's arm and continued to run.

Fabrizio turned away from us, wide eyed. "We're going to die," he said softly, just loud enough for us to hear above the noise.

"No!" Tommy and I yelled together. "Don't say that!" I begged. "We're going to make it." I grabbed his shirt and shook him. "You have to believe Fabrizio, don't give up!"

He closed his eyes as I let go of him. A brief silence followed before he spoke.

"I'm going to find Helga."

Tommy and I looked at each other. "You'll be alright?" I asked slowly. A man bumped into Fabrizio, causing him to fall forward and put his hands on my shoulders. "I'll be fine, I just need to know she's alright."

He glanced over my head.

"You have Tommy, I'm not worried about you. Helga has no one, just her parents who aren't in the best physical condition."

"Good luck," Tommy said, extending a hand.

Fabrizio shook it and he backed away. "Stay safe," I called, as he ran back down to G-deck.

I grabbed Tommy's hand and we entwined fingers. "Where do we go?" I asked.

Tommy glanced around for a moment. "The ship's bow is going down, we need to head that way," he said, pointing past a large group of people. "C'mon," I said, letting go of his hand and beginning to run.

We pushed our way past a crowd of people and I tripped on my nightgown, sending me tumbling to the floor. Tommy offered his hand and when I was back on my feet the ship lurched beneath us. "How can this bloody ship sink?" Tommy asked as we rounded a corner. "Unsinkable, unsinkable, they tell us. I knew it was too good to be true!" He opened another door revealing a short flight of stairs. We shot up, but a locked door blocked the way.

"Tommy," I gasped, as I heard trickling water. "Hurry, Tommy hurry!"

He threw himself against the wall and it shifted slightly under his weight. "Help me!" he cried, stepping back a few feet.

"On three," I said, bracing myself for impact. "One, two, three!"

The door gave way with a furious crack and we both fell into another packed hallway. "Hey!" a Welsh man yelled. "What are you bloody idiots doing?"

"Get out the way," I growled, getting up and beginning to head toward a crowd of people. Tommy followed close behind before two men bumped into us.

"Hey!" I cried, taking a step forward.

"Shut up!" they both yelled, disappearing into a stampede of passengers.

I turned to Tommy. "People are starting to panic," I said softly. "We'll find a way out," he said, grabbing my arm. "Follow me."

We both dove out way through the same crowd the boys had gone in. I glanced up, trying to find a way out.

"Dammit!" I cried.

People were everywhere, pounding themselves against a locked gate. I was pushed into Tommy and we held each other tight as the crowd began to close in. I could feel myself beginning to pant.

"Tommy!" I gaped, losing oxygen.

He let go of me. "Stay here," he growled, pushing his way to the front.

The women around me peered up ahead. Little children ran about, as if this was all a game. I looked fearfully at the girl on my left. Her hands were clasped together and I could see her lips moving silently.

"You can't keep us locked in here like animals; the ship's bloody sinking!" I heard Tommy cry.

From where I was, a sympathetic glance passed over the steward's face. "Bring forth with the women!" he cried, the black gate making a satisfying clicking sound.

As soon as it was pried apart, the men at front stampeded to get through, but only a few made it before they were rammed shut again and locked. "Get back! Get back!" the steward screamed, pulling out a small handgun.

"Tommy!" I cried, trying to push my way forward but the man in front of me refused to move.

"For God's sake, man! There are women and children down here!" Tommy screamed, climbing onto the gate. "Let us out so we can have a chance!"

His words rang through my head. The sound of gushing water filled my ears and before I could stop them, tears began to roll down my cheeks.

We're going to die.

"Ellen!"

I turned around while Tommy cried, "Jack!"

"Tommy!"

I whirled around. Jack and Rose had been standing behind me the whole time. "Thank God!" I cried, hugging them both.

"Is there a way out?" Jack asked Tommy. My love shook his head. "It's hopeless this way."

"Well, we'll have to find another way out," Jack replied calmly.

Rose and I glanced at each other with doubt.

"Jack!" a voice cried.

Fabrizio pushed his way past me. Jack and he embraced for a moment before breaking apart. "Is there a way out?"

"There's nothing this way," Fabrizio said, his voice cracking as he motioned behind him.

"C'mon," Jack said, grabbing Rose's hand.

Tommy, Rose, and Jack all began to run, but Fabrizio grabbed my arm and whipped me around. "Helga," he barely dared to say, gripping my arm tighter as he spoke.

Helga stood awkwardly in front of us, a thin robe draped over her nightgown. Her hair was in a loose braid and she glanced right past me and into Fabrizio's eyes.

"Helga, you have to come with us," I said, taking her hand and motioning toward a frozen Tommy. "Yes," Fabrizio added, "To the boats!"

Helga glanced at Tommy and slowly shook her head. "I cannot," she said shakily in English, "My papa…"

Fabri gently pushed her aside and confronted the old couple behind her whom I recognized as her parents from earlier. "We go up," Fabrizio said loudly, pointing a finger to the ceiling. "To the boats, they help!"

Helga muttered something in Norwegian to her parents. Her father grew silent for a moment but then shook his head, barking something back in the same language.

"I can't," she said, tears burning in her eyes as she faced Fabrizio.

"You must!" he begged, running forward to take her hands in his. "I love you, I cannot leave without you in my heart!"

Helga suddenly embraced him and they kissed. "Goodbye," she whispered at the two of us as she pulled away.

"Let's go," Tommy said, putting a hand on Fabri's shoulder.

We all turned and began to run but Fabrizio stopped yet again. He turned toward Helga with a tear rolling down his cheek.

I turned away from the both of them, not being able to watch anymore. Rose grabbed my upper arm and held onto it, in fear I would fall over from faint.

"I will never forget you," I heard Fabrizio say softly.

"Fabrizio," Jack said gently, pulling on his friend's suspenders.

"I will never forget you!" Fabri cried as we began to sprint. I could feel him stumbling behind me in thought as we turned another corner and Tommy slowly leaned next to my ear.

"She'll be alright."

I shook my head. From the sound of rushing water beneath our feet, I knew better.


	8. A Final Embrace

We eventually came to another gate. It was crowded, but terribly small compared to the other one we had just left. Another steward was refusing to let us through.

"Go back to the main stairwell and everything will be alright!"

Tommy grabbed my shoulders and pulled me toward him as Jack put his hands on the iron bars.

"Open the gate," he said calmly, looking the man in the eye.

"Go back to the main stairwell."

"Open the gate right now!" Jack cried, beginning to get frustrated.

"Go back to the main stairwell like I told you."

Rose sighed next to me and turned around, putting a hand to her forehead. Tommy and I looked at each other while Fabrizio remained silent, fists clenching.

Jack suddenly threw himself against the gate.

"God damn it, son of a bitch!" he screamed, shaking the bars furiously. "Stop that," the young steward cried, hitting the place where Jack's hands had been seconds earlier, but he was already at the end of the hallway, rocking a bench back and forth.

"Fabri, Tommy, give me a hand!" he cried.

Rose and I quickly caught on to what they were doing after they ripped it out of the carpet.

"Put that down!" the men behind the gate cried.

"Move aside!" Rose and I both started to scream, pulling people against the walls. I pressed myself next to Rose as Jack began to count.

"One, two, three!"

The three of them charged. On impact, the gate shook a little bit refused to give way, remaining stubbornly upright.

"Again!" Jack cried.

At last, the gate broke with the second crash. They wedged the bench in between the gate, leaving an opening for us to slip through. Tommy climbed over and offered me his hand as Rose and I climbed through.

"You can't do that! You can't do-"

I roughly shoved the steward against the wall and held my fist up to his face. "I'll kill you if we live through this," I growled, letting go of his uniform.

"Now, here here," he said, pushing me slightly. "You'll all be arrested for it! I'll live to see the day-"

Tommy's fist slammed into the man's face and he slumped at my feet, unconscious.

"That'll shut him up," he said with a smirk as Jack laughed.

"Which way do we go from here?" Rose asked, glancing in Jack's direction.

We began to climb up a very nice stairwell, and I realized we were even farther beyond second class than I thought.

"The clock," Jack said as he nearly tripped over a suitcase. "That's where all the first class folks should be."

I looked at Tommy but he seemed just as confused as I was.

Tommy grabbed my hand as we entered a long hallway. My wet boots skidded across the tiled floor as Rose stopped abruptly and I ran into her backside.

"Where are we?" Jack asked, glancing around, his eyebrows drawn together. Tommy frowned as if this was a waste of time.

Rose went over to a nearby railing and I gasped as I looked over the edge with her.

It was a beautiful staircase, made out of stunning red wood. Intricate designs decorated it everywhere you looked, and when I looked down I could see what Jack had meant by "the clock."

Suddenly, Rose gasped and began to run down the beautiful stairs. "J.J.!" she cried, as she ran into a middle-aged gentleman below.

"J.J.?" I asked, turning toward Jack.

"John Jacob Astor," he replied coolly. "One of the richest men in the world."

My eyes widened and I glanced down at the couple Rose was talking to below. "Oh," I said softly. "That J.J."

Tommy and I moved closer to each other and he put his arm around my shoulder as mine wrapped around his waist.

"This way," he said, motioning toward the direction Rose was pointing below.

----

The deck was chaotic.

Tommy had to grab my hand so we wouldn't get separated as crowds of people attempted to push their way in between us. Fabrizio grabbed the back of my nightgown as he was roughly pushed aside by an elderly woman. Rose and Jack were holding each other, glancing about in terror.

"The boats are gone!" Rose cried, pulling the blanket she was wearing tighter around herself.

Of course she was right, but I had suspected this. They never reserved anything for the lower class, Rose needed to learn this if she was ever going to make it through life.

Rose let go of Jack yet again and rushed over to an old man with two richly dressed women on his arms. "Colonel," she said, grabbing his arm. "Are there any boats left?"

The man stiffened at the sight of us behind her, but said, "Yes, miss, but they're round that way." He motioned toward the bow, the opposite direction everyone was running. "Come quickly, I'll lead you!"

Rose ignored his last comment and grabbed Jack. I kept Tommy and Fabrizio close to me as we wedged our way past rioting people. As we passed an orchestra playing the wedding dance, Tommy leaned toward Fabrizio. "Music to drown by, now I know I'm in first class."

I wanted to smile, but with all that was around me, I couldn't.

"Women and children only!" I could hear officers crying as we ran past a crowd of richly dressed men. "Stay back, gentlemen, stay back!" I turned wide-eyed to Tommy, realizing I'd have to leave him behind.

As if on que, Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me over next to Rose who was being pushed toward a lifeboat.

"Any more women?" A voice was calling, causing the men around us to press in further. One man began to push and hit my nose, causing it to bleed.

I shoved my sleeve up to stop the blood and turned to Tommy. "We're never going to get a boat!" I cried, trying to breathe through the musty wool.

"Tommy, Fabrizio," Jack said. "Take Ellen to another boat. This one's almost full, I'm not even sure if I can get Rose on it."

"But Jack-" I said, not wanting to leave the teenager I'd grown to love. He wrapped his arm around me and I began to cry.

"We'll be fine, now go with Tommy."

"El, let's go!" Fabrizio screamed as he was shoved out of the crowd.

I bit my lip and stared at Rose as Jack took his arm away from me. She looked away, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Good luck," I said softly, "To both of you."

Tommy grabbed my bloody sleeve and pulled me out of the way as a man nearly collided into the both of us.

"Where are the other boats?" I asked, as I wretched my sleeve from Tommy and held it up to my nose once again. Tommy pulled out a cloth from his back pocket and held it out to me. "We just better keep running until we find one with some space," he said. "But there are hardly any boats left," Fabri protested, beginning to look around wildly.

"We need to get you a boat," Tommy said, putting a hand on my cheek.

"No!" I cried, grabbing his hand as it grazed my jaw. "I'm not leaving without both of you." Tommy held me close. "You're leaving Ellen, I'll drag you on one if I have to."

"Ms. Lahr!"

At the sound of my name, I whirled around, scared to death Cal had found me.

"Jim," I sighed in relief.

Mr. Moody ran over and grabbed my arm. "You need to get on a boat," he said hurriedly. "There are plenty down that way with Mr. Murdoch."

"Are there any that are letting men on?" I asked, nodding toward Tommy and Fabri.

Jim glanced at them and then shook his head furiously. "Not that I know of. You could try Harold- I mean Mr. Lowe. He might let them on if he's kind enough."

"Thank you," I said softly, kissing his cheek. "Stay safe," he whispered in my ear.

"You'll be alright?" I asked as Tommy began to pull me away. "I'm an officer," Mr. Moody said slowly. "My fate rests in the hands of God."

He turned and walked away, and I stared at him for the longest time before turning back to my friends.

"We need to head down a little further," I encouraged. I grabbed their arms and began to pull. "There's not much time."

You could see the green sea water spilling over the bow and into the third class decks where I had been just hours before.


	9. Ice Cold Blood

"Right here," I said as we approached a small row of boats that thankfully, had not been entirely filled. I could make out Mr. Murdoch among the many panicked officers, pushing men back with the barrels of their guns.

"Stay back!" I heard him cry. "Stay back, you hear? Stay back!"

I was roughly pushed back by the man in front of me and my nose began to bleed once more.

"This is shit!" Tommy cried, seeing me fish out his handkerchief yet again. "Why won't they let us get on?" I began to shove my way with Fabrizio ahead of me to the front where they could see I needed on.

Through the dirty cloth, I managed to spit out, "You have to get on!"

Fabrizio shook his head. "This one if for women and children. We won't take away a seat needed for a child."

The backs of my eyes began to prickle and I faced Mr. Murdoch who was now pushing himself to keep a man from getting into the boat.

"Women and children only!" he screamed, pushing the man into Tommy.

"Bastard!" Tommy cried, and I nervously faced the Fabrizio, eyeing the gun in Mr. Murdoch's hand. "Any man who tries to get past me will be shot!" Murdoch cried at Tommy's comment. Another man tried to push his way forward and Mr. Murdoch fired his gun into the air.

"Ellen, go on," Tommy assured as people screamed. "We'll get on another boat, we're fighters."

I whipped around and kissed Tommy passionately, right there in front of everyone. "I love you," I said, hugging him with all my strength. He wrapped his arms tighter around me before whispering back, "I love you too."

I pulled away and hugged Fabrizio. "Stay strong for me," I whispered. "And for Helga. We need you."

A pair of hands grabbed my waist. "Come here, miss, boats are right this way."

"Don't give up!" I cried as an officer dragged me over to the nearby boat. "Mr. Lightoller!" Murdoch cried at the man who was helping me into the boat. "Help these other women!"

Another young man in the boat helped me step over the edge of the _Titani_c and onto the swinging wooden boards beneath him. I sat down next to a girl about my age. I glanced back at Tommy and shivered as the cold, April wind whipped through my nightgown. He was struggling to stay at the front, but he was pushed behind Fabrizio who was still trying to make his way toward me.

One thing that caught my eye was a young gentlemen attempting to climb a pair of ropes from another broken lifeboat. It looked as if he was going to attempt to jump over Murdoch and jump in our boat, so I braced myself for impact.

Mr. Murdoch was quick though. His gun fired, and from shock the man fell on top of Tommy, pushing him and Fabrizio forward.

And Mr. Murdoch's gun went off again.

"Fabrizio!" I screamed, standing up and causing the boat to sway. The girl next to me grabbed my arm, trying to pull me back down.

I was prevented from leaving by several officers, but I could see Fabrizio was now laying in Tommy's arms.

"You son of a bitch!" I yelled at Murdoch, thrashing my arms around me, trying to embrace my dear friend.

Mr. Murdoch's eyes dimmed as he stared at the blood dripping from Fabrizio's mouth. His gun limply fell by his side and he lowered his head slightly, averting Tommy's gaze.

"Fabri!" I cried in the midst of the silence, beginning to sob as Tommy's bloody handkerchief was blown out of my hands. The women around me encouraged me in many languages to sit down and shut up, but I ignored them and attempted to leap off as the boat lurched under weight of more women getting on.

Tommy's face was unreadable as Fabrizio slowly blinked. "Fabri," he choked. "Hang in there, don't leave me, stay with me, mate." But Fabrizio's bloody lips turned up in the corners. "You were good friends," he struggled to say. "Tell Jack I said 'goodbye.'"

Fabri's head turned toward me and I reached out with my hand.

"Fabrizio," I said, my voice cracking. "Please…"

With his last words slurred, he slowly formed the name, "Helga."

His eyes became glassy after that.

"You killed him!" I screamed at Murdoch. "You killed him! You killed him! You killed him!" I wretch my other hand from the girl next to me and thrust myself toward the murderer. "Fabrizio! God in heaven, not yet! My God! My God!"

I collapsed in the arms of a young officer and began to cry. He threw me back into the boat and Tommy began to walk toward him but was shoved back yet again.

"Lower away!"

The boat lurched under my feet, causing the women around me to cry out in fright.

Through my tears, I could see Tommy was still holding the dead corpse of Fabrizio. My breath began to shorten as my sobs began to escape my throat and I could feel the tears beginning to slow, even though I was still crying.

"Stay strong," I said, my voice coming out shaky and broken between sobs. "Please, I need you more than ever."

Mr. Murdoch's gun went off again and I heard a splash below me.

----

"Dear God," the woman across from me whispered.

Screams were everywhere. Fabrizio's dead body was still fresh in my mind and I could barely see from my swollen eyes. I put my face in my hands, pressing my palms against my lips, hoping to suppress a scream I was about to let out myself.

Everyone, including the men, had become quite still. The Titanic's hull was disappearing under the surface. Every now and then, a scream louder than the rest would hit my eardrums and I would muffle a cry, trying not to make a fuss in front of the others, but it was too much. Several others around me were silently weeping, but I don't think anyone had been as deeply scarred by this as me.

"What have we done?" the young man rowing the boat behind me whispered. "We left all those people behind. My God, my God…"

_Tommy_, I prayed. _Please, I won't be able to live without him._

A child somewhere in the boat wailed. I turned my head to look at the ocean, where it was white with foam from all the splashing that the people in the ocean were making.

"My husband," a woman said. "My husband is out there, I can feel it. We have to go back!"

"Do you know nothing about ships?" someone else called. "The surge from _Titanic_ going under will tip us over. We have to wait, it's a live or die situation we're in!"

I peered through my fingers at Tommy's sweater covering my nightgown. It had kept me warm this whole night, but what was he wearing? I will never forgive myself if he freezes in this water.

After what seemed thousands of hours, silence began to fill the place of all the screams. By now, I was silent too. I put my head down on my knees and clutched my legs, too scared to look up.

My eyes dug into my kneecaps and I wished for all of this to go away, that maybe it was a horrible dream and Tommy would wake me up in his cabin in a few minutes. I wanted to see his smile and feel his warm breath on my skin. Everything I'd ever known was out there in the sea, just dying while I sat here in this boat.

A whistle brought my head up off my legs. I turned to face the noise, but I raised a hand to my mouth as I felt vomit begin to rise.

Bodies were everywhere. We were so far away, but it was the most ghastly site I'd ever seen. The people around me stiffened but did not utter a sound. I could see the faces of so many people I had passed on the third class decks, they were just floating out there in the ocean as the graying horizon shone on their glass-like faces. None were moving, and I feared the worst as I bit my lip.

One of the corpses, a young boy about my age, slowly turned as the churning sea water began to settle. His glazed eyes stared at me for a moment, and I felt the need to scream. It was disgusting, horrifying. How could this have happened? His hands were floating in front of him in the water, as if he was reaching out for me to pull him in. I knew he was dead, but I could feel his soul was still lingering inside of him for just a while longer.

The hours crawled by. I was exhausted, tears had crusted themselves around my eyelids and the bottom of my nightgown was covered with frost from getting splashed earlier that night. Many of the women on my lifeboat were richly dressed and had hats, coats, and gloves to keep themselves comfortable. The rest of us second and third class passengers huddled together to keep warm, seeing we were not forewarned about the sinking and were not able to grab much to keep ourselves from the cold.

My thoughts were blocked by ice.

And frozen blood that was leaking into the ocean.

All heads on the boat turned toward the back of the boat as there was a loud pop.

"What the hell are you doing?"

An officer was now standing, waving a green flare back and forth.

"Getting help, you idiot."

His long, skinny finger pointed toward the pink and orange horizon. I could not see clearly what was out there, but I soon knew.

"It's a ship!"

"My God, where was it an hour ago?"

"I never thought I'd see another morn. I pray others made it to see this sunrise too."

I shook my head. How little they knew.

We were far from saved, they would soon find out when they began searching for their loved ones.

And I knew, that if Tommy had been lost, I would always be.


	10. Morning

Floor boards.

I shakily took a step forward on the unfamiliar deck. Hands from all over helped steady me as I blindly made my way toward a bench.

Where was I?

A woman wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. "Everything will be fine, dear," she whispered in my ear.

With an unreadable expression on my face, I looked right past her, not even bothering to take the mug of hot chocolate she was holding out to me. Her empty words meant nothing. They could be used on a first class passenger but not for me…

Not for me.

The decks had benches strewn across it everywhere and every one of them was occupied by some hopeless survivor. A man directed me toward the second class area but I refused to leave steerage.

I needed hope.

I needed someone to show me I wasn't alone. Tommy, Jack, Helga, Cora, Jim, even Rose would do. The blanket around me didn't keep the cold from seeping in, but I knew that this wasn't because of the icy water.

As I glanced at the newly risen, red sun Fabrizio's soft laugh echoed throughout my thoughts.

Life had been so much bearable before all of this.

"Miss Lahr?" I heard a soft voice behind me say slowly.

I turned, knowing it wasn't Tommy. As I saw a familiar, handsome face however, I couldn't help but throw myself in their arms.

"Mr. Lowe," I said, wrapping my hands around his waist.

"Harold," he corrected, hugging me back. "Are you alright?"

I pulled away and brushed my messy hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I didn't mean to startle you, it's just a miracle to know I wasn't the only one who survived."

He smiled ever so slightly. "It's fine," he said in a thick accent I couldn't identify. "That was something I desperately needed after what I've just seen."

Frozen corpses flew before my eyes.

"You went back?" I asked, surprised when he nodded. "We only got six out though," he said, his voice cracking on the slim number.

Dear lord.

"Six?" I asked weakly.

His shoulders began to shake and he looked down, taking off his cap. A long silence followed and he glanced about us while more and more passengers were being brought onto this mysterious ship. At last he said, "Some people were too stubborn and didn't want to help rescue those who were in the sea."

I shook my head and my eyes closed.

"We just waited too long to empty a boat. Mother and children were dead, bodies were everywhere. It was the worst thing I'd ever seen in my entire life."

I looked up at him and began to unfasten my lifebelt. Taking it off, I threw it over a nearby railing and pounded my fist against it. "They kept us under the decks," I said, averting my eyes. "The gates were locked and everything."

Harry roughly grabbed me.

"They didn't!" he shouted, but was answered by my shaky nod.

"Those bastards!" he cried. "Damn it, why?"

He let go of me and strode over to the railing to look at the spot where _Titanic_ had gone down. I stood a few feet away, not daring to approach him again. My icy fingers were clasped together as he scanned the icy world around us.

"The captain said it was every man for himself, but it wasn't true."

He looked back at me. "Why would they do that?"

My eyes flared with rage and I angrily poked him in the chest with my finger.

"Are you blind?" I cried, making the people around me turn and look at the both of us. "Class discrimination was happening all around you during that entire voyage!"

He raised his eyebrows at my raised voice and I roughly pushed him. "You see this?!" I screamed, pointing to the fading bruise that lined my jaw. "That's from a first class man, my cousin, who didn't like it that I was in third class areas."

I turned toward the people around us. "Do you see why the steerage section is so empty while the first class section is full? Idiot, it's because we were not worthy enough to live. They always put the rich first. That's why they call it first class."

I turned and slammed my fist into a nearby pole. My knuckles popped under the impact but all I could feel was numbness. "I've always been second," I said, talking to myself now. "My whole life has always trailed behind those who are wealthier than I am."

Harold began to walk toward me but I held my hand in between us. "The man I love is in third class and I have no idea if he-" My voice shook. "-If he's alive. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't of made it on one of the last boats to leave the ship. We had to fight our way past a steward and break a gate open with a bench just to get through."

I dropped my hand and pulled Tommy's sleeves over my fingers and put them to my mouth. "One of my friends is already dead," I said softly, thinking of one of the closest friends I ever had. "More might be because they were simply poor. Now may I ask, why is that? Why are we discriminated against because of how much money we make?"

Harold dropped his gaze from mine.

"Jim didn't make it," he whispered, trying to change the subject. "Hr wasn't on any of the lifeboats and from what I've seen, he's not a survivor either."

I locked my jaw and faced him, angry, yet again.

"You can't give up that easily!" I screamed, grabbing his shirt and shaking him. "He might be alive!"

Tommy crossed my mind and my voice cracked as I continued.

"Don't you have hope, Harold?"

He ripped himself away from me and turned around.

"After what happened tonight, I doubt I ever will." He gave me one last glance and disappeared around a corner.

That was the last time I ever saw Harold Lowe, the highest ranking officer to have survived the sinking of the _Titanic_.

----

"Name, dear?"

The woman with the clipboard held her pen ready.

"Ellen Hockl-" I started.

"Lahr. Ellen Lahr."

She nodded firmly as she scribbled it down and began to walk away.

"Wait," I said, grabbing her arm. "Is there a Tommy Ryan on that list?"

She quickly scanned her clipboard. "Steerage?" she asked, adjusting her glasses.

I nodded and she flipped to a second page of names.

"There's no Tommy Ryan, dear."

"Helga?"

"No."

"Jack Dawson? Rose DeWitt Bukater?"

She continued to shake her head.

"I'm sorry honey, you'll have to check with some other folks."

She looked up from the list of names.

"Oh no, sweetheart, no," she half yelled, wiping away my tears. "I haven't finished collecting names. Your friends might be on one of the other decks or I'll have their names in an hour or two."

She leaned close to my ear.

"You might start checking the first and second class areas. We haven't bothered to set up any class restrictions and there might be a few steerage loners wandering up there."

She looked away.

"First class doesn't seem to mind much anymore."

"Thank you," I said shakily. "However, may I check that list of yours just to double check?"

Hope surged through my veins as I scanned the clipboard for a trace of any familiar names. Every Tommy on the list stood out as if it had been highlighted and starred.

"Molly Brown, Caledon Hockley," I muttered under my breath as I read on. "Bruce Ismay, Harold Lowe…"

I gasped and held the list in front of me, as if I was scared to read any further.

"What is it?" the woman asked, taking it from me.

**Thomas Lahr.**

Thomas Lahr!

"Th-that's my last name," I said blankly, pointing to the name.

"Are you married?" she asked, scanning me with a crazed expression.

"No," I breathed, a small smile forming on my lips. "But I might be."

I shook my head at the thought and grabbed the woman's free hand. "In the name of God, where is Thomas Lahr?" I asked, nodding toward the list.

"The dining room, or hospital as of now. It's that wa-"

"God bless you!" I said, kissing her cheek.

Her hand flew up to the spot where my lips had touched her and I fled past a group of young men.

Adrenaline pulsed within me as I roughly pushed a first class man out of the way. I stumbled over ropes, benches, people, even my own two feet as I blindly fought my way toward the place where my lover remained.

The dining room doors were slightly ajar. I nudged my way past a group of nurses until I had entered a large room filled with white cots.

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

Each face had its own story. Some were bruised, scratched, bloodied. One person even had ice still frosted over her eyebrows.

A young doctor rounded the corner and I stopped him.

"Tommy Ry- Thomas Lahr?" I asked breathlessly.

He didn't even bother to look up from the papers in his hands but instead pointed over his shoulder. He gently pushed past me and a pair of piercing green eyes met mine.

I flung myself full speed into him. His sweet scent cleared everything from my mind and I began to cry as he stroked my hair with his unbroken arm.

I kissed his face and held it in my hands as I pulled away. "I thought you were gone," I said, tears dripping onto his fresh cast. "And you," Tommy said softly, placing one hand on my cheek.

"Me?" I said, choking on my own saliva. "You were the one on the ship." I kissed him and buried my face into his sweet smelling hair. "If anything, I should've jumped into the ocean to save you." Tommy began to cry also and we brushed each other's tears away. Sobs escaped his throat and I sat on his bed, holding his hand to my chest. "Those hours in the lifeboats were the longest of my life," I whispered.

Tommy smiled through another sob and I placed my free hand on his lips.

"Never leave my side," I begged.

"It would kill me," he answered simply.

My watery smile broke through my tears. "Thank you, Mr. Lahr."

After a few more moments I began to stroke his broken arm.

"How did this happen?" I asked, gently pushing on his elbow.

He winced slightly. "I slipped on the railing going down," he said, as if this sort of thing happened to everyone. "Luckily, I was caught in a surge of water that pulled me away from the ship."

He brought my hand up from his arm and kissed it.

"The only thing I can remember clearly about the whole incident is that I found myself on a large crate that kept most of my body out of the water."

His voice dropped sharply.

"It was so cold." He bit his chapped lip. "I never gave up though. I knew Helga was gone, and I knew without me or her you wouldn't be able to survive.

"Ellen, you kept me alive."

I smiled weakly. "If only Helga and Fabrizio were here."

Tommy shook his head solemnly and I leaned my head against his chest. "I pray Jack and Rose are alive," I said softly, smelling the clean linen that was wrapped under his new shirt.

Tommy gently pulled me away and put a hand on my stomach.

"We need to get married as soon as possible or we won't be able to raise this baby properly, you know."

I laughed and wiped the last of my tears away. "I don't think I'm pregnant."

"Nonsense," he said, a smile playing on his mouth. "I can feel her now."

I pulled his hand up to my chest, right over my heart. "You cannot," I said teasingly.

"I can feel your heart beating," he said softly. "That's proof enough for me."

I groaned loudly. "Childbirth," I muttered.

Tommy's expression turned from happiness, to shock. But after a minute's silence he laughed.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I know you're still young. I didn't mean-"

"Oh, shut up," I said, cutting him off. "This child, if it is a child, has already made me the happiest person alive."

I pulled his hand from my chest and pressed it against my lips, feeling his warm palms. "I'm a fighter, Tommy Ryan," I reminded him. "And I'll give up everything to spend the rest of my life with you."


	11. Epilogue

_43 years later…_

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shalt not want.

"He maketh me lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside still waters; he restoreth my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name's sake.

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley; I fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod, your staff, they comfort me.

"You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.

"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the home of the Lord my whole life long."

The preacher paused and said softly, "Amen."

Everyone around me watched as I slowly placed a single daisy on the pile of dirt in front of me. "I love you," I said softly, kissing my fingertips and pressing them into the soil.

My eldest son, Fabrizio, put a hand on my shoulder as I straightened up again. The twins, Jim and Jack, placed a small American flag by the gray tombstone.

The four of us stood closely together as thunder rumbled overhead.

I didn't say anything but nodded solemnly as the people around us slowly heeded back to their cars.

Fabrizio took my hand and squeezed it. "We'll all miss him so much," he said, unable to choke anymore words out.

"I know," I said, watching the flower in my feet flatten as raindrops began to hit its petals.

"Mom," Jack said, "Let's go to my place. You can stay the night, Julia and the kids won't mind."

Jim put an arm around my shoulder and I kissed his cheek. "I love you all so much," I said, glancing at the now wet grave.

"C'mon," Jim said softly, letting me take his arm.

As we all walked away, I turned to the tombstone and read the engraved words for what seemed an eternity.

**THOMAS VIRGIL LAHR-RYAN**

**1892-1955**

"**Far across the ocean, beyond the boundaries of life itself, love remains in the worst of situations. Forever."**

I turned my head back to my three sons.

I was now on my own.


End file.
